its crunch time.

fuck.
fuck.
FUCK MY LIFE WITH A RAKE AND NEVER CALL IT BACK.
its almost the end of the year and im stressing out.
every year its the same;
i promise to work really hard ("really, this time is different!") and something always seems to take up all my time that i should be spending on doing my school/studying/giving a shit etc. etc. this year for example its been C. aka the "kisser" and me trying to better my sad little social life. and it always ends the same way; i freak out at the end of the year and get marks that are sub par (if that). im so scared for my math grade this year. its been my worst subject as per usual but now we have provincial exams.luckily our teacher is letting us re-do every test since the beginning of the year so i have a chance to raise myself a couple percent before the exam. i may have to pray more often.
i had a project due yesterday but some things happened on my computer and i havent been able to finish it by hand so i missed school yesterday to try to finish it. i didnt so i did the horrible student thing and sent an email begging for an extension. he probably wont follow through and i'll be screwed. wow, theres a gorgeous sunset outside. and also a couple of snot nosed punk kids with their crazy jazz muzak fucking around annoyingly close to my front lawn.
little fuckers.
sigh. anyway; ive had some good times with my buddies this year, definitely not enough for my liking though. other than C. i have made a new friend that hasnt hurt me after kissing me (Sorry, A. it wasnt meant to be haha). We've bonded over countless cigarettes and McDonalds (that one not as often, since we're only mildly obese). She and i have talked about a lot of things. I can tell she doesnt open up to a lot of people, but im glad shes opened up to me. i still have to learn to open up a bit but shes talked me through a few things in months of our friendship. She and i didnt really REALLY start being friends until we started going out for smokes at lunch. ive said it countless times to her "smoking is a good bonding session, minus the whole cancer thing." which is very very true.

can you tell that she asked me to write about her? well she did. just to mention her but i did a bit more than that. (SO THERE, YOU SHOCKER).
speaking of C. its been exactly a month since he got kicked out and apparently he's going to this stupid hipster/douchey/skater school near ours which happens to be the school this girl he likes goes.I found out that he did indeed snitch on the others for smoking weed to try and save himself.he hasnt talked to ANYONE from our school since. i also failed to mention this, but i think its important:

I have a wish jar in my room (dont hate, its not that weird.) and the night before C. got pinched i put a wish in the jar that said, and i quote;
"Get C. out of my life. I wish him away.GET OUT OF MY HEAD."
My wish came true. But i wanted to have some sort of closure; that i was the one that rejected him, that the idea of being with him only makes me want to toss my cookies.even if it isnt entirely true...
ANYWAY, i thought it was really fucking weird.
i havent used to jar since. as y'all can imagine.

other than my usual lame problems, i have to find a job to pay for my tuition cos my brother is escaping to Europe (how i wish i could...)and wont be able to help and my mother is taking some time off for her operation (more on that another time) so im having to get used to a lot more responsibility than im used to.
I DONT WANT IT. I WANNA ESCAPE FROM SCHOOL, FROM HOME. SET ME FREEEEEEEE! lol. im being slightly over dramatic.

i still have to go finish my English project, which is to show how i was when i was 4. im interviewing my 4 year old self and writing an essay and adding some photos. just quickly throwing something together...

go outside or get to panicking about your late homework like i am.
ITS CRUNCH TIME, SHOCKERS!
(please dont ask me what shocking means)
love,
the dead girl with the stupid pink hat.
kasia <3