hehehe.
hiii...
i'm not going to apologize for not blogging because nobody cares.
so there.
sigh. so lets recap whats been happening since i lat posted about my lame little life.
i had my review classes and exams that i still dont have the results for so i dont even know if i failed my math class or not. because of this i am currently taking a math summer class. it was supposed to be for credit in case i had to re do this years math next year. yeah, after almost half way through the course and busting my ass (though my sister tells me i havent been working at all; more on her later) i wasnt going to do as well as i would if i did it next year, i've decided to audit the class. my plan; if i do have to redo this years math i will get rid of my elective (even if it hurts) and take both math classes. its one plan that i know cant fail.
speaking of which; my not so good plans that ive made recently.
obviously they didnt work out and im still dealing with the backlash from these plans/decisions. On june 19th, i went to my friend's birthday/going away party. recently my fam has started to dislike the idea of me going for sleepovers and for a long time they disliked the idea of me even mentioning this friends name. long story short, i stayed over even though they didnt like it. At this party though, there was a guy. two guys actually.
One will go by the alias 'A', the other with 'B'. haha, boy A, and boy B. i find that funny since i just took away from their first initials.
ANYWAY.
A was this guy that my friend ('S' from now on.) met over the internet (yes i know. unfortunately thats how she meets most people). He was there for her to hook up with. my god, he was gorgeous. and funny! he and i hit it off right away. in fact after talking for a long time he and i almost kissed but S jumped on us. its a thing she does. she did so earlier this year on halloween after i just had my first kiss. she has a problem with guys paying attention to anyone other than her. which btw is often cos she isnt very attractive (I'M NOT BEING MEAN, ITS THE TRUTH) and the only way she gets guys to talk to her for more than a couple minutes is by sending nudes. its true, she even sent them to A. its how she got expelled from my school, and she got in trouble at her second school for harassing guys. but this isnt about her, its about me and A. because i value our friendship(yes, really) i didnt bitch her out for ruining my night. that wasnt the worst part anyway. A and i talked throughout the night but at some point me and B got to talking. he was fine sober, and then his mother dropped off some fireball for him (yes, really...) and he got not so sober. i sat next to him and then he just mauled me! not the worst part. he couldnt remember my name. he called me Alicia, Tessa, Tasha, and...Kesha. -.-' he kept talking like an idiot. par example;
"i fell in love with you tonight."x121674
"lets go, i'll save you/i'll protect you."123413
"i'm so drunk." x764515617682348734
these three sentences over and over again.and can i also add that he was the worst kisser i have ever came into contact with in my short kissing career? my friends all thought i wanted to be alone with him so they left us alone while they all went inside. best friends forever, right? so i managed to get inside and i hid while he went to the bathroom. some sign language was required but it finally got into my friends heads that i did not want this kid attacking me. "where'd she go?"
"she's waiting for you outside, mang!" "yeah, go or she'll get kidnapped."
he came back later that night and slept outside. I DONT WANT. i thought i made that clear when i pushed him away, like the 3345456th time. A stayed the night; he and S did nothing. We had a breakfast of ice cream cake and watched that 70's show. A and i sat together. we all bid him a little goodbye and i havent seen him since.
But we did plan to. that plan was a massive fucking fail. we talked for a bit and we decided to meet by my house. but he got the directions messed up and i said id go meet him and then we'd go to my house. my alibi was a birthday party. and my fam decided to be "nice" this one time and give me a ride to this party and i couldnt cancel cos A doesnt have a cellphone. i didnt know what to do so i left the house. i was on the train to meet him and i almost had an anxiety attack. my mom and my sister kept calling me and i ended up being picked up by my sister and driven home. i told her about A in the drive way. Later that night i told my mom about him.
All because of this one incident; me going to meet a guy, has lost the trust of my mom and sister. i am not a bad kid.
after some more drama over the next week after that, i was forced to cut myself off from two of my best friends, who are also "bad influences". I had to cut myself off from A too. I still talk to my two friends and today i re-added A. i can talk to them for as long as i'm not found out but i can never see them. i'm going to have to explain that to A. i hate hate hate hate explaining myself more than anything else in the world. that, and not getting what i want.
My friend silv is having her bday this friday and im going, she offered to have me sleepover since the party ends at nine. i can go to the party but i cant sleep over, ever. She is a good kid and her family is, in slang terms "legit".
to quote my mother after i got mad at her for thinking all my friends were bad,
"it doesnt matter about them. you've lost our trust."
Am i a bad kid?
I dont do drugs, i dont go to parties, i dont have sex. im only a little lazy with school. but that doesnt make me bad, does it? my intentions with A are not what everyone seems to think. I wanted him to some to my house and meet the fam. the fact that everyone seems to forget. i didnt want to sneak out. at first i wasnt going to have him come over, but i changed my mind.
My intentions werent bad, and neither were his. And yet, i am thought the misfit child.
For chrissake, i just want to go out with friends once in a while without having an anxiety attack because of my parents. i cant take it anymore. i am being told that i am ungrateful, lazy and selfish. i am not. i want to be alive. and it shouldnt matter who with. i cant sit at home like i have been. i want... oh wait i forgot, it doesnt matter about what i want. fine, i can be good for you guys, but dont you dare say who i can and cant spend my time with. LET ME LEAVE THE HOUSE. WHY DO YOU THINK I WANT TO LEAVE ALL THE TIME?
It's stifling in this house. fine, i can do my school work. fine, i can do some housework. fine, i can lick the toilet bowl to check if its clean enough. just let me go out with friends. they tell me i havent earned it.have them give me a contract stating that if i can go out an play with my neighbourhood pals, i will earn my girl scout badge. This may not make any sense at all to any of you. but its a weird situation. maybe one day i will explain it, but no one can really understand unless they live it. Maybe i'll put it in my book. Maybe.
And now, some nonsense to lighten this entry up.
I watched the new Brandon Flowers music video for Crossfire. And i couldnt help but notice one thing. is it just me or does he look very Robert Pattinson-esque in one part? photo will be put up for you to see.
and also i will maybe add a few other pics. whatever i can find on my computer. including one of a horrible picture they put of me in the yearbook. UGH.
Ciao for now.
The one with the pink toque,
Kasia.
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